Self care. Everyone seems to be talking about it, but what is it really, and how do you know what works for YOU?
My own favourite description of self care is Oxford Language’s “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during times of stress”. To me, this is the most comprehensive description.
The problem is that we often don’t know what will truly protect our well-being or happiness, especially in times of stress! Have you ever done the exact opposite to what would actually help you, and maybe even thought that it would be great? Take alcohol, for example! Lots of people consider having “a glass of wine” or “open the gin” to be a helpful thing when you’re stressed. But is it really? For some, a glass or two of alcohol may help them relax a bit after a stressful day, but as a depressant, it can actually make things harder to handle and it often disrupts sleep patterns. We all know too much has a definite negative effect on the next day, but it’s not always about the large volume either.
In the workshop I run called Care Labels, we explore the various things that each individual actually finds helpful. That can be incredibly individual, and what helps one may in fact hinder someone else. So knowing, and creating a plan for, your own needs can make a huge difference.
There are also lots of different areas that you can look at to help you find the things that help you. I break self care down into 8 different categories. Some of these will be more or less important for you personally, and that’s fine. But they are all important categories for some.
- Physical-this includes the things that help you maintain your body. Sleep/rest, exercise and stretching, making (and keeping) dental and medical appointments as necessary, taking your medication/supplements, eating well and regularly, etc. This can be a vast subject, and will vary very much from person to person depending on what your own body needs. For example, I do my absolute best in life when I get 8.5 hours’ sleep. I have a regimen of medications and supplements that I take daily/weekly to keep my body as healthy as possible, keeping in mind a couple of chronic illnesses and being neurospicy. I absolutely need exercise (which for much of my life was anathema) too.
- Emotional-everything that helps you handle your emotions, both good and “bad”. This may include journalling, talking to people, counselling/therapy/coaching, stress management techniques, creativity like creating or enjoying music and art, reading and many other areas. For me, this includes doing my breathing exercises, listening to relaxing audiobooks, talking to my friends and my coaches about things that are bothering me (as well as things that are joyful), and regularly watching what I call “silly telly”, ie series where I don’t have to pay a lot of attention, help me a lot.
- Social-balancing your social experiences with time alone in a way that is healthy for you is important. This may include spending time with friends, acquaintances and loved ones (both in person and virtual), spending time enjoying solitude, having excellent social boundaries, positive social media (let’s face it, it can be as destructive as it is beneficial), and asking for help. That last one is one I’m still working on allowing myself to do more, but otherwise I’m pretty good at maintaining the right level for me. As an introvert, I need time to myself to recharge after socialising, no matter how much I enjoy and love spending time with my special folks!
- Spiritual-anything that has to do with your beliefs or spirituality. This may be more organised or completely individual, and it doesn’t matter which. If you get connection through a church or temple, or through nature or something else, doesn’t matter. The important thing is to feel that connection to whatever is important to you. This may include going to services, or individual meditation or prayer. It can also include appreciating nature or space for the grandness that exists.
- Personal-getting to know, listening to and honouring your own self. This is vital in order to really recognise all of the other important sections. If you don’t know what your own self needs and wants, then you can’t create the ideal environment for you. This can include hobbies, treats, trying new things, and listening to your own experiences. Experimentation here can really be time well spent! Over the past year, I’ve aimed to do an adventure a month…something I wouldn’t have done otherwise! This has included skiing on an indoor slope, wall climbing, indoor sky diving and many other fun things! It’s been fun to explore things I haven’t done before and find out what was fun, what I won’t continue with, and how I responded to the new experiences.
- Environment-having a safe, comfortable, functional and soothing space that works well for YOU is an important part of being able to handle the things life throws at you. Do you need soothing colours to help you handle the impressions from outside? Do you thrive on bright colours? Does a clean, stark and minimalist approach help you focus, or are you more comfortable being able to see all your things and feeling cozy? Have you thought about how you use things, and having them near where you use them, or are things put away where they happened to be when you put them away? Do you enjoy having procedures for everything, or do you prefer to let it all flow? I am learning to make my everyday as easy as possible, so that I can focus my energy on all the amazing stuff I get up to! I have an incredibly busy life, where I juggle many different fun things, and so having the basics set up to be as easy as possible really helps me to handle all that. Safety is also one of my core values, so things like having a solid front door with extra locks, and CCTV helps me to feed that feeling.
- Financial-this can feel like a weird subject to include in self care, but it’s actually really important. Firstly, knowing that you’ve paid the bills and will therefore be able to keep living where you are, have electric and heating, and whatever other important costs for maintaining your life, helps you to feel comfortable and confident. Knowing where your money has gone, what’s left, and what can be spent on necessities and “fun” can help you reduce your stress around purchases in general. This hasn’t always been a strength of mine, and I did spend time with my head very firmly in the sand, avoiding looking at my money in case I actually had to think about it. But all that meant was that I then felt guilty every time I spent money, even on things I needed, and there was an underlying level of stress that felt amazing to get rid of when I finally took the bull by the horns and did some financial planning! And it means I can have a pot of “fun” money, that I know I can spend without really thinking about anything and without feeling guilty.
- Other responsibilities-we can have a whole host of other responsibilities, and knowing that we are in control of these helps us to look after ourselves. Whether work, school, caregiving or volunteering, managing our time, feeling productive and valued, having healthy boundaries and managing our learning and developing are all vital parts of this subject. And taking breaks, whatever that might mean to you!
So, with all those different types of self care, it’s not surprising if it can sometimes feel overwhelming and confusing! That’s why, when we do our Care Label workshop, we work our way through each of these areas separately. We take time to explore what each area might mean to the individuals, and play around with examples. By dividing it up like this, it gives everyone a better idea of what might help them!